she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
