we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Randomize
