I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
