Cold hands, warm shart.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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