Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
