hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
