bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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