Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
