It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
