we made out on top of his cat.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
