I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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