I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
