Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
