And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
