dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
