I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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