Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
