I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
