Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
