god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
