Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
