I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
