Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
