Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
