Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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