I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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