Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
