He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
