did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
