My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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