Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
