my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
