I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
