just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
