Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
