well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
