true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
