I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Acid is not a monday night drug
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
