When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
