tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
