Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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