you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
