I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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