What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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