I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
