RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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