i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
