I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
