I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
