He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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