I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
