i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
